Actually I haven't gotten paid yet. My check should be in the mail. But the fact of the matter is, I was told that I will be receiving $30 for something I wrote. Something that actually came from my brain. I can't believe it.
That NSYNC song? From the 90's? Yeah. It has never been so tightly aligned with my life before.
Today, my friend's dad said that once I graduate college I'll find a super successful job and make a ton of money. I can only hope he's right. I've done well in school, and I feel like I'm really getting a hang of the magazine/journalism business. But at the same time, I feel like even if you have awesome skills if you don't know the right people it doesn't matter if you know the difference who vs. whom, or how many pretty words you can string together. I feel like in the business I'm going into a lot of it relies on the luck of the draw.
I hope I don't draw the short straw.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Discouraged
Up until today I felt really good about mostly everything.
Then I got home and something changed. I felt discouraged. And I feel like I'm not growing again.
I think it may be because the publication I sent a piece to asked me to re-write it a bit. I know nothing's perfect the first time around but still. It was discouraging.
For the longest time I felt like I wasn't growing, as a person or professionally. I felt stagnant, like I was stuck. Just putting in my time for the next big thing but the problem was, I didn't have any indication as to when the next big thing would come, or if it would every actually occur. And what big thing was I looking for anyway? I can't even figure that out for myself. I felt like I wasn't doing anything to push myself forward and grow professionally. My career was on the line and I was doing nothing to help myself. So I found some internships. And now the first one is ending. Next week will be my last week and it sucks. I really like where I intern at right now and I'm scared to move to another publication. I'm afraid that I'll just fuck it up and not do well and never get a job or make enough money to support myself.
I'm a terrible writer and even worse journalist so why am I wasting my time?
Then I got home and something changed. I felt discouraged. And I feel like I'm not growing again.
I think it may be because the publication I sent a piece to asked me to re-write it a bit. I know nothing's perfect the first time around but still. It was discouraging.
For the longest time I felt like I wasn't growing, as a person or professionally. I felt stagnant, like I was stuck. Just putting in my time for the next big thing but the problem was, I didn't have any indication as to when the next big thing would come, or if it would every actually occur. And what big thing was I looking for anyway? I can't even figure that out for myself. I felt like I wasn't doing anything to push myself forward and grow professionally. My career was on the line and I was doing nothing to help myself. So I found some internships. And now the first one is ending. Next week will be my last week and it sucks. I really like where I intern at right now and I'm scared to move to another publication. I'm afraid that I'll just fuck it up and not do well and never get a job or make enough money to support myself.
I'm a terrible writer and even worse journalist so why am I wasting my time?
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