Days like these are the worst.

Actually, days like yesterday are the worst. All day with nothing to do is not only lame but gives me ample opportunity to let my mind wander to things which it should not.

Poor choices, betrayal, and loss are only a few among mounds of thoughts which break the smooth surface I attempt to keep in the ocean of my mind, when I am at a loss for distractions. Work, school and spending time with friends and family serve as keepers of my attention and avert my focus to things other than events which have already passed. These events themselves not only are hurtful, because of what has been done to me, but because of what I have done to others. Now that I have been able to make amends with the person who means the most to me and have had the opportunity to rekindle our lengthy relationship, the remaining feelings I have from past events are usually dominated by guilt and shame. How could I have acted in such a foolish manner? I could blame it on my prefrontal cortex not being fully developed, but age is only a scapegoat. (Psychologists say that the reason most teens make poor decisions is because the prefrontal cortex - or decision making - part of the brain is not fully developed until early to mid-twenties.)

Days like yesterday are usually followed by days like today. I'm moody and upset. I play with my lip rings out of nervous habit which puts a sour look on my already frowning face. (By today I mean Memorial Day, by yesterday I mean the 29th. It's 12:53 A.M. which by my standards does not mean it's Tuesday, because I haven't gone to bed yet.) I spent the day escaping through literature, then attending a bbq at my boyfriends-bestfriends-girlfriends house. The company was good, I simply was not in the best state of mind to be at a celebratory event. So, as is always the case, I'm sure everyone wondered why I was so pissed off.

So, by literature I meant that I began re-reading the Harry Potter series again. Not only because I have the time on my hands but because I want something to distract me from all the time on my hands. As stated above when I've got the time, my mind puts me in strange and awful places, that which I am greatly trying to avoid.

How to be an adult.

1) Play by the rules.
2) Agree to disagree.
3) Conflict of interests between two or more adults means calm, direct communication, which results in some form of compromise or general agreement.
4) Display a level of maturity which is socially acceptable according to one's numerical age, which is determined by one's birth year.
5) Acquire and hold on to some form of job or career.
6) Be respectful, even towards one's enemies.
7) Be civil, even towards one's enemies.
8) Abide by socially accepted laws and statutes.
9) Reign in reckless behavior.
10) Take responsibility for one's own actions.

If you want to be labeled an adult, don't act like a child.

Really, this is getting ridiculous.

http://weirdnews.aol.com/2011/05/14/chuck-e-cheese-sued-for-promoting-gambling_n_861785.html

I completely understand the concern this mother is having. I have grown up in a family with extremely addictive personalities. This goes back generations. My great-uncle died due to cirrhosis of the liver, the result of being an alcoholic. My great-aunt just died due to respiratory complications from being a smoker for the majority of her life. Both of my aunts suffer from addictions which have hurt them and their children more than anything else I can imagine would be able to. Addictions, of any sort, are dangerous. The compulsion to do anything, (gamble, drink, etc) is bad news bears and ruins lives daily, if not ending them entirely. Letting yourself succumb to an addiction is risky business that leads to grave consequences. Rehabilitation centers make millions of dollars yearly through helping people who want to turn their lives to the straight and narrow, and get clean.
That being said…
IT’S CHUCK E. FUCKING CHEESE. Let your kid have some fun for Christs sakes. As a kid I was very anxious, paranoid and angry. Even as a toddler I suffered from separation anxiety disorder. Most often, I was not a happy camper. One of the few times I was happy was when I got the chance to play with other kids my age, either at Chuck E. Cheese or some other place that was similar. These places were created to provide a fun, carefree and safe environment for kids to enjoy themselves. With the way society is turning out, many children already suffer from pressures of being successful by the time they hit the first grade. Between being the best in their class, to knowing as many languages as a translator, to playing a sport and volunteering at an animal shelter kids today don’t know how to have fun. Playing a game at Chuck E. Cheese and winning a tie-dye t-shirt with the rat himself on it or a stuffed animal will not put children on the slippery slope to addiction. They’re only kids for a short while, they have from about age 16-18 and on to worry about such things. Let them enjoy childhood while they can.

Right now I would much rather be at a flea market...

But instead I'm at home listening to Motley Crue, and finally getting around to this blogging business that I have been meaning to take care of for a long time. So in the end I would say that this is just as much fun, a lot less expensive, and a whole lot more productive than taking a trip north to flea markets chocked full of things that are really cool and yet completely unnecessary.

It wasn't until a few days ago...or maybe a week? I'm not sure, either way. It wasn't until that time that I felt as though a blog would benefit me in more ways than one. Primarily for the reason that many psychology studies have shown that when people experience negative or traumatic events and then write about the event afterwards, they are able to process and make sense of said event, making it easier to move on and regain a sense of normalcy in life. I wish I had known this a year ago, despite the fact that it may seem like common sense. So, partially in efforts to save my sanity I created this page. Additionally, there may be events, philosophies and things of that nature which I would like to "blog" about. (Really, I feel like "blog" is another word for "complain and/or babble about things which your[my?] friends and family don't really want to hear about, but since there is this open space on the interweb I shall use it to my advantage" but that will be saved for another post.)

So, instead of wasting my hard earned money from working a crappy mall job on invaluable items such as Gumby figurines and limited edition signed Van Halen posters, I shall refocus my energy on something more productive, my blog or, as I prefer, published writing. Here it goes...