Today was the first day of classes. My morning began with my mother violently vomiting and requiring me to make numerous phone calls as she could not make it into work, while I was supposed to be leaving 10 minutes later for my first session of neuroscience and history, 1877-the present. I don't feel like elaborating but for the most part, today sucked. I then realized that I've been wasting time on Tumblr and not updating this thing like I had meant to in the beginning.
My anxiety has shot through the roof, and come back down again approximately 37.9 million times since I came to the realization that I am taking 19 credits and working two jobs. I have drowned in my fear of not being able to keep up with 6 classes, two of them being writing intensive and one of them being a math class, multiple times. I need to keep my GPA up so I can keep my scholarship. I also need money on hand for things such as gas, tolls, and food. Often, I lose sleep over such things. And the real kicker is, 16 weeks from now, none of this will matter.
In a way, this is how I work through troubling times. No matter how upset I am, how sick I feel, or how badly I just want to scream at the world, the knowledge that in five years time, none of this will have any impact on my life makes it all seem okay. Suddenly it seems as if I know I will make it through anything. Because really, there is very little in life that a person can't recover from. Psych studies have shown that when a person is presented with a possible scenario, such as the tragic termination of a romantic relationship, they estimate that they will be less happy once said event occurs than they actually end up being. In other words, a couple is asked how they would feel if their relationship ended tomorrow. They say they will be absolutely devastated and it will take months to years for them to recover from the breakup. However, couples who actually did break up found themselves to be adapting quite fine, after a short period of mourning. Before they knew it, they were back on their feet and having a good time. The same can be said for those in terrible car accidents, war Veterans, and people who have lost loved ones. When the actual event happens, it seems as though the feelings of upset will never leave, yet they always do.
This is how I try to keep my calm, and hopefully it works.
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